有哪些搞笑的英文小品？
老妈叫我翻译!!!(超强爆笑)
今天我正在看碟，老妈又捧了本书进来，说道：给我讲讲这几句话什么意思
老妈：这个“i don’t know.“是什么意思？
我说：“我不知道”
老妈：送你上大学上了几年，你怎么什么都不知道！！
我说：不是！就是“我不知道”吗！！
老妈：还嘴硬！！！！$@％!#$^&％#$％@$％@#$％!^％^!^％$^#&..(一顿爆揍)
老妈：你在给我说说这个。“i know.“是什么意思你该知道吧，给我说说。
我说：是“我知道“
老妈：知道就快说。
我说：就是“我知道“
老妈：找茬呀你？刚才收拾你收拾的轻了是不？
我说：就是我知道呀！
老妈：知道你还不说！！不懂不要装懂！&*$％^@$#!％$@^％#*$^^^##$％(又一顿爆揍)
老妈：你给我小心点，花那么多钱送你上大学，搞的现在什么都不会，会那么一丁点东西还跟老娘摆谱，再问你最后一个，你给我好好解释一下，说不出来我在收拾你，你给我翻译一下“i know but i don’t want to tell you.“是什么意思？
我晕倒，拿起枕头往头上爆砸三十几下，用头撞墙四十多下，双手轮番抽自己嘴巴五十多下，用腿踢桌子角六十多下，血肉模糊之时，我问老妈：这下你满意吧
这不她老人家又来问我了:“儿啊,i`m very annoyance,don`t tuouble me .是什么意思啊~?“
我:“我很烦,别烦我“
老妈:“找打,跟你妈这么说话“(于是被扁)
老妈又问;“i hear nothing,repeat. 是what意思啊“
我说:“我没听清,再说一次“
老妈又说了一遍:i hear nothing,repeat“
“我没听清,再说一次“
结果被扁
老妈再问:“what do you say “又怎么解释呢“
我说:“你说什么“(再次被扁)
老妈再问:“look up in the dictionary“是何意啊’
我说:“查字典“
“查字典我还问你做甚“(被扁)
老妈又问:you had better ask some body.怎么翻呢“
我说:“你最好问别人“
“你是我儿子,我问别人干吗,又找打.“
“啊!god save me !“
“上帝救救我吧!”
“耍你老妈玩,上帝也救不了你!(被扁)
我再问你:“use you head,then think it over,又是什么意思啊!“
我说:“动动脑子,再仔细想想.“
“臭小子,还敢耍我“接着又要动手
我连忙说:“是世上只有妈妈好的意思”
“嗯,这还差不多,一会我给你做好吃的,明天再问你”【好笑不？】
英语小品
羊肉串和纳税人（英文小品）
Characters:
Mr. Shi, Xiaofu, Dabao
Mr. Shi: Tax is the major source of the fiscal revenue. There is an evident change about the relationship between the tax collector and taxpayer in the past 20 years. Now, the tax collector, Xiaofu, and the tax payer Dabao, a vendor selling Yangrouchuan will show you the very change. The first Act happened in 1980s.
Act I
(in Bazaar of Beijing, sanlihe, 1980s)
Dabao: Yangrouchuan , yangrouchuan, eaten one ,want nine, eaten one, want nine.
Hi, Take my yangrouchuan.(slipped, take it up, )
Xiaofu: Tax! Pay the tax!
Dabao: (change faces)
Taxi? Where is the taxi? Here’s no taxi.
Xiaofu: Tax! T---A ---X!
Dabao: What’s the tax? I just know taxi! Do you want me to call a taxi for you?
Taxi----! Taxi----!
Xiaofu: Enough! Are you the vendor?
Dabao: No , No, No, no! I 'm just have a look. The vendor has gone to the toilet.
Xiaofu: Not the vendor ? Impossible! you 've been here for 2 hours.
Dabao: Really ? (Xiaofu: Yes, of course.)
How do you know it?
Xiaofu: The window of my office is open to here and I 've been looking at you for two hours.
Dabao: It’s a big bug!
Xiaofu: Oh. Don’t waste my time! Please pay the tax---- 10 Yuan!
Dabao: 10 yuan?! My god. I had just earned 20 Yuan one day! 5 Yuan, ok?
Xiaofu: Don't cheat me, you've sold more than 2 hundred ones.
Dabao: 6yuan, my dear sisiter.
7Yuan, my lovely beauty.
Dabao: Not for you ,not for me, let's split the difference. 8 yuan ,ok ?
Xiaofu: (looking around) All right ,a deal. But no receipt.
(Dabao payed 8 yuan and Xiaofu left)
Dabao: What a smart woman! Bad luck! I’m bankrupt. I have to change my place.
Hope I would not meet her any more! Let’s go!
Act II
Mr. Shi: The next scene happened in new century. China had been marching in the way of the market economy for twenty years more, in the new era of building the well-off society in an all-round way, how do the vendor regard tax as and how is the tax collected? The scene will tell you.
Let’s enjoy it!
(In the market; Dabao in white clothes ,a board with "NO SARS")
Dabao:: Yangrouchuan, yangrouchuan. Eaten one, want nine. Eaten one, want nine.
Xiaofu: Hi,
Dabao: Hi.
Two: What a familiar face.
Two: It’s you!
Dabao: 10 years past, you are a still a tax collector.
Xiaofu: 10 years past, you still sell Yangrouchuan.
How is your business?
Dabao: Everything is OK!
10 years past, you are still beautiful lady in Sanlihe of Beijing.
Xiaofu: 10 years past, you and your Yangrouchuan look more clean than 20 years before.
Dabao: Thank you. No SARS, no dirtiness; Serve people, serve me.
Xiaofu: Great! Have you……
Dabao: Married? I ‘m not married; I’m still single.
Xiaofu: Have you claimed your tax this month?
Dabao: What? Taxi? Oh, tax! Of course. I should pay the tax of 50 Yuan this month and I have claimed at the begin of this month.
Xioafu: Your receipt, please.
Dabao: (shows the receipt )
Here you are, I have paid my tax in the tax service center by computer.
Xiaofu: Great! What a good taxpayer you are.
Dabao: Thank you. It is my duty. I’m proud of myself to pay the tax for our country.
Xiaofu: Yeah! The tax you paid is a share of our country’s economy, and you do a lot for Olympics of Beijing!
Dabao: Let’s do it together! . It’s said that, Don't ask what your country can do for you but ask what you can do for your country. Just like me, sell Yangrouchuan, and pay the Tax for ten years more.
Xiaofu: You 're the loveliest people in new century!
Dabao: Thank you! And you 're the loveliest tax collector in new era!
X: Excuse me, and I have to go now. Bye-bye.
D: A moment, are you free tomorrow evening? Could I have a dinner with you?
Xiaofu: Well, may I have the company of my husband?
Dabao: No, no, no problem. 6 o’clock in the evening, Beichuanyuan, ok?
Xiaofu: just a kidding. I have to go home now.(leaves)
Dabao, See you tomorrow.
Dabao: Hope to see you everyday.
The End
求英语搞笑话剧剧本。（6人，带翻译更高。）
六人的英语搞笑话剧：《 荆珂刺秦王》旁白（Aside ）/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? 很久以前有一个疯狂的国家，在这个疯狂的国家里有一些疯狂的人，试图用疯狂的方式展示疯狂的历史。荆轲先生是最有名的剑客，他被派去杀清王“嬴政”。但最后他失败了。你想知道当时发生了什么吗？Action I（第一幕）太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? （镜子，镜子，告诉我，谁是世界上最漂亮的男人）（画外音：It's you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状）Thank you mirror! （面对观众）I'm Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. So what can I do? Where is my minister?（我是丹王子，魔镜说我是世界上最有魅力的男人。但是嬴政是个嫉妒心很强的人，我觉得如果镜子告诉他真相，他会杀了我的。那我该怎么办？我的部长在哪里？）阿三（毕恭毕敬） : Honey, I am coming.（殿下，我来了）太子丹：I've told you again and again that you should call me: "my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan."（我一再告诉你，你应该叫我：“我最美丽、最优雅、最英俊、最迷人、最可爱、最聪明、最亲爱的丹王子。）阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng.（作杀状）（好的，殿下。我有一个好主意。我们可以找一个人去杀了嬴政）太子：Oh yeah. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.（经过筛选，我手头上有两个有前途的人。一个是李莫愁小姐，另一个是荆轲先生。明天他们将为世界头号杀手PK。）太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?（好吧，尽快给我看看赢家，好吗？）阿三：Yes.（好的。）Action II（第二幕）（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲：Are you Li mochou?（你是李莫愁？）李莫愁：Yes.（是的。）荆轲：OK. I'm Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers' world.（好啊。我是荆轲，你知道，我会让你知道我是杀手世界之王。）李莫愁：Are you challenging me?（你在挑战我吗？）荆轲：Off course!（ 耸耸肩表示同意）李莫愁：Come on!音乐起，两人冲上前来，“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。”李莫愁倒地，荆轲大笑。李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren't you hurt?（发生了什么？为什么你不会受伤？）荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由么,不需要么，需要么?）李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.（妈妈总是说：“人生就像一盒巧克力，莫愁。你永远不知道你会得到什么。“我知道了，妈妈是对的。）荆轲再次大笑太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you？”荆柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you?荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?太子丹晕倒荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please?荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸,上面写着：To be or not to be, that's a question.（生存还是毁灭，这是个问题。）阿三：Hero,we need your help.（好汉，我们需要你的帮助。）荆柯：I am busy now!（我忙着呢！）太子丹：You can get a lot of money.（你可以得到很多钱。）荆柯：I am very busy now!（我现在非常的忙。）阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?荆柯：I am very very busy now!（我真的真的非常忙。）阿三（手指上场的美女,激动状）: Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.（你看，那是世界上最美丽的女子，如果你答应了，她就是你的了。）荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!（我不得不说她是个性感又美丽的女人，但TCM才是我唯一的爱人。）阿三：What? What's the TCM?荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn't know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.（小子，看你挺聪明却不知道TCM。让我来告诉你吧。）阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.（我必须给你看王牌。女士们先生们，这是利普顿减肥茶。是联合利华中国的一个全新产品。）荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn't reduce my weight.（减肥茶！我已经梦想了几千次了。我妻子总是威胁说如果我不能减肥就离开我。）阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I'm very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?（你想要什么？如果你愿意，就大声说！你为什么保持沉默？你为什么看着我？虽然你的眼睛充满了诚意，但我很高兴，你还是得大声说。拿着它！你真的喜欢吗？真的？）荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.（告诉我该怎么办？我愿意为你做任何事。）太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）：Yeah!全剧终拍英语话剧的注意事项1、首先，组员要熟悉理解剧本，能够充分理解剧本的内容，然后进行表情和细节性的标注，这样会有助于现场的拍摄，同样进行一幕一幕的划分，这样不会使组员太过紧张忘词。2、其次就是准备道具，一定要全，老师会很在意我们在细节方面的用心程度，倘若我们精心地准备了道具的话，会给老师留下一个不错的印象，很容易得高分。3、然后就是角色的分配，一定要合理，要根据人们在现实生活中的性格进行分配，这样有助于增加话剧的真实性，从而更生动，同时也要考虑到不同组员的英语水，要考虑周全。4、然后最最最重要的便是背台词，一定要理解，切记，当我们感觉一句话念不通的时候，可以用简单句进行改写，便于背诵也便于理解，不一定一字不差的照着剧本背，这样也违背了我们学英语的初衷。5、然后便是拍摄，注意的是情感的投入尤其是表情，还有就是拍摄的角度一定要合理，符合当时情景。进行一幕一幕地拍摄，中途有适当的休息。然后就是尽量多个角度进行切镜头，这样效果会好很多。6、然后就是后期制作，这一点尤为重要，主要分为四部分，一、片头和片尾的制作，二、视频的剪辑，三、片头和片尾音乐的挑选，四、字幕的制作。
五人英语搞笑话剧剧本
五人英语搞笑话剧剧本 话剧是以对话方式为主的戏剧形式，于19世纪末20世纪初来到中国。与传统舞台剧、戏曲相区别，话剧主要叙述手段为演员在台上无伴奏的对白或独白，但可以使用少量音乐、歌唱等。下面为大家带来五人英语搞笑话剧剧本，快来看看吧。 演话剧的时候需要剧本，同学们，下面就是适合五个人的话剧剧本，请看： 人物：追星A, 追星B，追星C，明星，车主 旁白 经纪人 旁白：A girl is crazy about a star called Handsome+人名. Even when she is asleep, she can dream that man. A：(打哈欠)，I need to go to bed, I’m so sleepy.(打哈欠)——边走边说 （趴在讲台上睡） （进入梦乡） 旁白：In her dream…… (上台摆两个凳子，A做一个) A：Oh, it’s a fine day. (假装看天) (然后突然不经意的拿起一本书翻看) 明星：(上台)：Oh, it’s a fine day. (然后坐凳子) (A看着看着书，就不经意的往旁边看，然后再看看书，突然感觉不对劲，在意外的往旁边看，看到了自己最喜爱的那个明星，十分激动，不敢相信这是真的) A：Are you … are you that … super star?(激动地说不出话) 明星：（随意的回答） Yes, what’s wrong? A: I’m your fan,super fan. Your photos are full of my bedroom, no, they are full of my house, including kitchen, living room, bedrooms, and… and toilet. (激动，后面讲到厕所时，还有点不好意思) (当明星听到厕所时，很惊讶) 明星：You are too…enthusiastic [in,θju:zi'?stik]. (有点嫌弃) A: Can you give me your signature? (讲到签名，明星就兴奋了) 明星：Ok ,of course! A：（大声喊）Oh ,I will have the Handsome______’s signature (突然，两个人跑过来，B把A给推开了然后两人问明星要签名) B：Please ,please give me signature!!!!!!! C: No, give it to me, to me!!! (两人抢着，A一人孤零零的.站在旁边，) A: Why the result is this ?(抱头痛哭，边走边哭，然后走到睡觉的那个地方，恢复原来的样子，还有点啜泣) A： Er? Where is it? Oh,it’s just a dream , but ,it’s a bad dream. It’s too early, I want sleep.(又趴下去) 旁白：In her second dream, the scene is at the crossroads. A: Look at the tall buildings, they like the …like the …I don’t have any adjrectives to describe them. (明星上场，走在对面，也在欣赏某些东西) A：Oh ,look at there, that man is like a star ! Oh ,Oh ,Oh ,(一次比一次激动)he is …..he is…..Handsome_______！I want his signature! But there is too much cars, What can I do? What can I do? I don’t care this any more, the signature is more important! (正当他准备过马路时，车主做开车动作来了，将要撞A，A很害怕) 车主：Look out! Aon’t come here, don’t come here!(闭着眼睛) (车主迅速下台) （A突然站起来，睁开眼睛） A：A dream .too? Oh, my god, Why do I always can’t get the signature? No, I must get it, sleep again! Yes ,sleep! But ,why do I stand here? I should lie in the bed. Whether these, I must go to bed and get the signature!(趴着又睡) 旁白：In her third dream (明星在签名，A前面有B, C) 经纪人：One by one,Don’t be wrought-up A: Yeah,I can get it at last. Before me ,there are only two people. （到B） B:I love you very much. My dreamlover. 明星：Thank you (B下，C上) C: Oh，I meet you ,can I hug with you ? 明星：Sure. (两人抱了一下) （到A） A: I can get your signature in the end! I’m so excited (明星面目有点难受的样子，手捂着肚子) 明星：Sorry, can I go to the toilet for a moment? My stomach is hurt a lot.(难受) A: Yes, make yourselfe at home. (过来一会儿) A: Handsome_______ has gone to toilet for such a long time. Is he ok? 经纪人对A说：Sorry, the girl, Handsome_____ perhaps can’tcome here to give you signature, He is too hurt. He went home. A: Ah? Why always me ? (伤心地离开，走到睡着的地方) （突然起身） A :Why always me ? I only want a signature~~ ai~~ What time is it now ? (看了一下钟，表情惊讶) It’s near 8 o’clock .I can’t arrive at the school on time! Oh no ,hurry up hurry up! 话剧名称由来 一种以对白和动作为主要表现手段的戏剧。最早出现在辛亥革命前夕，当时称作“新剧”或“文明戏”。新剧于辛亥革命后逐渐衰落。“五四”运动以后，欧洲戏剧传入中国，中国现代话剧兴起，当时称“爱美剧”和“白话剧”。它通过人物性格反映社会生活。话剧中的对话是经过提炼加工的口语，必须具有个性化，自然，精炼，生动，优美，富有表现力，通俗易懂，能为群众所接受。郭沫若的《屈原》、老舍的《茶馆》，曹禺的《雷雨》，苏叔阳的《丹心谱》等，都是我国著名的话剧。 话剧是在20世纪初才由外国传入中国的。1907年由中国留学日本东京的曾孝谷据美国小说改编的《黑奴吁天录》，是中国早期话剧的第一个剧本。现代著名话剧家有郭沫若、曹禺、洪深、田汉、老舍等。 19世纪末20世纪初，中国社会经济政治的变化推动了戏剧运动的发展，戏曲领域里出现了全国规模的改良运动。同时，在日本新派剧和欧洲戏剧的影响下诞生了中国早期话剧，当时叫新剧，又称作文明戏。新剧兴起于辛亥革命前夕，后经中国早期话剧奠基人任天知领导的进化团总结这一新兴剧种的经验，探索创新，并吸收外来营养加以发展，从而形成了完整的格局。早期的优秀剧目有《家庭恩怨记》《社会钟》《空谷兰》《梅花落》《珍珠塔》《恨海》等。 到1928年，经著名的戏剧家洪深提议，将这种主要运用对话和动作表情来传情达意的戏剧样式定名为“话剧”。从此，这个由西方传入中国的剧种，才有了一个大家认可的正式名称。 ;
